In our house, Dan does most of the cooking. There are some things that I make very well, but mostly I'm too lazy, and tend to eat cereal rather than make a "meal." Dan, not being such a fan of Frosted Flakes, makes very nice meals for us on a regular basis.
That's not how things work in
What? Ok, culture shock, I'm not from here, I understand that. I thought people would at least be amused by the "modern" relationship Dan and I have, even if it seemed weird. When we first arrived and people asked me what kinds of things I cook, I was always quick to point out that Dan does the actual cooking. I'm realizing now, though, that this doesn't make us seem cute or quirky, it makes me seem like a bad wife.
While I'm very comfortable with (delighted with, in fact) the cooking roles in our house, I'm starting to worry about how people must perceive me. No one has said anything to either of us (except that one student), and I’m sure I’m just imagining it, but I'm afraid people don't think my wifely-skills are up to par, that I'm somehow deficient.
When I told Dan about my growing neuroses, he pointed out that I shouldn't be bothered by what people think (or what I think they think), and that some people will understand, and someday the people who don't might. How rational.
6 comments:
I don’t want to insult anyone, but Dan should ask a girl who said that women are "designed by God to do certain things" where is she from. I bet she is from some mountain village. I don’t say that in cities there are no girls who wouldn't think the same, but percentage (especially for educated ones) is so small that I think you couldn’t find one easy.
But I agree that here wide spread opinion is that male should only HELP in the kitchen and with other `female` jobs. I hate that phrase `helping` as he is doing something for female and not for himself! But I have many male friends who does the same things as their girls/wifes, and my brother is better cook than me and almost every female I know. So you shouldn't generalize, it is the same here as anywhere, it varies from person to person, from family to family. It is though, a common thing that female do all the house work, question is would you like to be common or average! (Bare in mind that Serbia has 3 000 000 people who haven't finished primary school, of 6 000 000 voters; that make almost 50% illiterate people , and they make that average)
Some people say that most girls from villages enter universities not to finish it but to find a husband from the city! I don't fully agree with that, but I am sure that most of them wouldn't return home after they finish faculty, so some will find a job, some will marry, and some will continue their education. But if they don't finish the only certain thing for them to stay is to get married.
I can tell you that there are guys (I suppose not educated enough or at all) who would marry a girl just because he needs Maid, or as jokes refers washing machine. Can you envy him or her?! So you have no reason to develop a complex (not that I think that you actually feel that way, I am sure that it is just your way (good way) to rouse readers to think about all this!)
Every generalization is a prejudice, so this post (mine) is just that. What I want to say is that I wouldn't expect someone educated to have modern relationship or vice versa. I just talked in percentage and it is only my opinion and experience!
Marija -
You're right, I was definitely speaking in generalizations. I think that, as human beings, that is how we see the world. We have to compartmentalize and categorize what we observe, or we suffer from information overload. Whenever someone asks me “What do you think of Serbia?” they’re asking for a generalization.
The trick is to realize that we do this and not fall into the trap of assuming that everyone will fit exactly into one of our categories.
I'm sure there are Serbian men who cook for their wives (roĊĦtilj doesn’t count) and I know many Serbian women who are "superstars," meaning they maintain their household as well as having high-level careers.
I recognize that student's reaction as extreme, but the fact is that just about every time this topic comes up in conversation, we get raised eyebrows, funny looks, and sometimes an "Oh, really?"
My husband is by far the better cook, although we tend to share the responsibility depending on who is feeling less lazy - but I have always found myself telling people that he does most of the cooking as a badge of honor that I found myself a great guy. I haven't received any weirder reactions here in Serbia than I have from the "traditional" friends back home, but then again, I kinda like being different in that way. My neurosis only kicks in when I express how much I want to work and Serb men tell me that I should enjoy being a "kept woman" - that makes me insane!!!
"In our house, Dan does most of the cooking. There are some things that I make very well, but mostly I'm too lazy, and tend to eat cereal rather than make a "meal." Dan, not being such a fan of Frosted Flakes, makes very nice meals for us on a regular basis."
Ha, I can so relate, just substitute "Dan" with my husband's name and Frosted Flakes with Cheerios. And my husband IS Serbian. Now just don't ask me how often he cleans.
When I asked one of my classes about this, their responses were evenly split between "Cooking is a woman's job" and "Men are better cooks, just look at my dad/brother/etc." A few of my guy students said "Cooking and laundry are OK, but I hate to do the dishes, so that's woman's work."
Maja - believe it or not, she said she's from Kragujevac. Maybe she had a very old-fashioned family.
Where do you find Frosties in Kragujevac?
Last summer I was down there with my kids (two years ago) I couldn't find any proper cereal.
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